Just What The Doctor Ordered, It's Time To Move Forward!

Anxiety is difficult to deal with, whether on your own or in therapy. It can take months or years... and even then, it's a work in progress. It can be even more difficult as a teacher in today's society. Social media makes everything seem perfect, idealistic, and... unattainable for many people. Perfect classrooms, well-prepared teachers, and kids always on task and working. Unfortunately, seeing these IG-worthy and Pinterest-worthy posts on social media does not always help those who suffer from anxiety. Over the last few months, I've become more open about my anxiety journey, sharing my story and emotions. More recently, on my own and without sharing it on social media (because, ya know, there's life outside of social media), I've had time to soul search and find myself. The "myself," who is 99 percent of the time me, the non-teacher.

It's a difficult pill to swallow, having to "find yourself" all over again. It takes some time. You must reflect on your journey, mentally relive the difficult times, and forgive those you believe have wronged you along the way and yourself. Self-forgiveness. Oh, my goodness. That is most likely the most difficult of all. If I'm being honest, I've spent the last few months being angry with myself. I remember waking up one day in February, furious that I had allowed all of this to happen to me (as if I had a choice), furious that God was still testing me, but mostly furious at myself for "getting anxiety" (like it was something I could just give back). But it was also on this day that I decided I'd had enough of being this person. I was exhausted from carrying this rage and harvesting all of these emotions as if time would simply sweep them under the rug for me.

But it doesn't work like that. My emotional health has been a roller coaster over the last two years. Something I'm not used to or comfortable with, but here I am. I'm sharing all of myself with you, hoping that it will help at least one person. The first blog post, you see, was written for me. It was my outlet for letting it all out and moving on. This blog post, on the other hand, is for you. To assist you. Assist you in moving forward, forgiving, and becoming the person you were meant to be... so you can be a better teacher, educator, mentor, and spouse. That sounds awfully cliche, but let's just go with it.

No matter where you are on your journey, whether you have anxiety or another mental illness, you will more than likely have moments when you feel inadequate. You're not doing nearly enough. That's not right; you're doing it incorrectly. Anxiety accomplishes this. And while everyone's anxiety looks and feels different, it's important to remember that your feelings are valid. It's difficult to explain to someone who has never experienced anxiety. But I'll do my best. Anxiety is that little voice in my head that tells me I'm not good enough, that I can do better, that I should be doing XYZ... when my gut, deep down inside my soul, tells anxiety to be quiet. Imagine an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other for a relatable analogy. But here's the catch. You are always sufficient. You are always valuable.

You won't be able to move forward until you accept and accept the past. It was only for a season in your life. One. You can lament the past, the life you thought you'd live, and the destruction of a bridge. But you must let go at some point. You can't bring the past into the present. Moving forward necessitates a great deal of courage and bravery. It entails letting go of the past. It involves accepting responsibility. It denotes forgiveness. Make peace with it. You must be at peace with yourself. It's not going to happen overnight. It could take you a few days, weeks, or even months to get to your destination. But don't give up hope. You'll get to where you're supposed to be. And, in our experience, most of the time, where you end up is not where you want to be... most of the time, where you end up is something more significant.

My hope for this blog post is that you will find a reason to be proud of yourself. Who you are now, who you were in the past (because you will never be that person again), and who you are becoming, I hope you start to see yourself as the wonderful, one-of-a-kind individual you are and how special you are... just the way you are. Because, you know, that's your power. There is no one else in the world like you. No one in the world can be you or do what you do better than you. THAT. That is your authority. YOU ARE THE POWER. Allow no one to hasten your recovery. Don't be sorry for how you feel. Don't act as if you're okay when you're not. I promise you'll wake up one day, and everything will make sense. You will be grateful for the storm in retrospect. It will all be worth it in the end.