Dear Depression: I Hate Your Stinking Guts!

Dear Depression,

You took absolutely everything from me: my time, friendships, relationships, and hope. You stole my creativity, positivity, and productivity without an ounce of remorse. I was abandoned as a shell of myself, utterly broken and alone. I isolated myself from the people closest to me and the things I once loved.

You used to make me think I was not worthy of being loved because I had trouble loving myself when you hit hardest. If I could not even love myself, who could love me? But then I met my wife, Rebecca. She reminds me every day; I am stronger than you. She reminds me you are a part of me, but you do not define me. She reminds me who I am, and what I am doing in this world is bigger than you will ever be. When you appear in especially strong ways and make my life extra dark, she shows up with a glowing light and reminds me love and light conquer the darkness. She comes down into the darkness with me and reminds me I am not alone.

There is no easy way to say this, so I will just come out with it. Depression, I am beyond mad at you for pushing away what mattered most in my life. For years I blamed myself for the anger, despair, and deep emptiness which consumed my life. It was you all along, hiding cowardly in the shadows, vigorously inflicting pain on my existence. Over the last couple of years, you have torn my confidence to shreds, destroyed countless relationships that I held dear, and stripped away my love for life.

The fact is I should hate you.

I really should.

And yet, I do not.

Instead of spending all of my time and energy hating you, I want to thank you for showing me how strong I am. Even in my weakest moments, I can show strength—the strength to carry on and strength to continue the good fight. Thank you for making the good moments and the happy moments in my life that much more blissful. Without your darkness, I would have been unable to appreciate the light. Without having experienced the depths of hopelessness, I would be unable to truly enjoy the simple moments of the joy life has to offer. Believe it or not, you helped me to find my purpose.